7.28.2016: Addictive

The longer that I stood looking out the window, the stronger that the pull was for you. The shirt that barely covered my body irritated my skin hyper aware of any and everything. The breeze that should have soothed my skin as it rushed through the window only helped to sensitize it. My hair blew this way and that as my scalp too breathed, searching for your fingers. Flames dance along my body and the heat was too hot to contain, too hot not to extinguish.

Light whimpers more than indicated that I was closer to the edge sexual sanity. I’d gone six whole nights, seven whole days maxing my body to the breaking point. Glancing at my phone only emphasized how easy it could be to just give in. I touched the glass pane and the coolness that I felt pulled the rest of my body against it begging for that little bit of relief. Though the alleviation that I craved was more satisfying, I took what I could get. Fingers trailed across my neck down to my shoulders and I closed my eyes wanting my own hands to be yours.

Addicting, that’s what you are and I needed to fight the habit I’d formed. I wasn’t afraid to be your everything and you weren’t afraid to tell me what you desired. That was toxic and we both knew it. My thighs squeezed in anticipation when I looked over to the phone that was lit. The message indicator was lit and I wasn’t strong enough to walk away. I opened the message and your name displayed in the corner as I read words that sent me to my knees.

I need you now.

The air was removed from the room through some sort of imaginary contraption because suddenly it was hard to breathe. There was no way that the single message had caused me to need air desperately, on my knees, shivering for a dose of… YOU. My phone had been the catalyst that set my fingers typing a quick response to the best high I’ve ever experienced. My phone beeped again and I dropped my phone. Trembling fingers retrieved it and I stared at the words as my head began to swim.

I’m close.

A moan welled up from so deep inside that I felt the vibrations all over when it finally escaped my lips. I sat on the bed rocking waiting for my next fix.

***

I heard the car door slam and I bolted down the steps to meet you. You walked in already half undressed, threw your shirt aside, and began unbuckling your belt and pants. We met on the bottom step and the force of our bodies connecting like two magnets surged my arousal into overdrive. Needle in vein injected with a drug so potent that I could barely stand.

Knowing your own toxicity, you held me firmly as lust pumped through my veins. Moaning and whimpering for more… I deepened the kiss, not caring about overdosing. Heroin had nothing on you. And to think that you hadn’t even given me the good shit yet. You set me on the edge of the step somewhere in the middle of the stairwell, staying between my legs. Breaking contact with your lips for the first time, I threw my head back screaming in ecstasy as you entered me hard and fast. You pulled my hair keeping my head anchored as you bit into my neck. Drops of the sweetest joy pooled behind closed eyes and then slid down my face. Damn, you were masterful.

My hips met yours quivering for each thrust and you didn’t disappoint. I cried out over and over thanking you for enslaving my body against my will. I hated that you were the only person that could make this sole act so perfect and so wrong. My sex accepted you with ease, no questions asked while my brain told me I was doing this yet once again.

Wet kisses trailed over my chest and you growled at me when you were met with the fabric of my shirt. I pulled it up between us and pulled it over my head. I could see anger spike in you at having to let go of my hair even for a second. Once it was off, you gripped my hair harder and tighter. Fuck if it didn’t add to the sucking and licking you were doing sending me into an orgasm. That never stopped you.

I quaked and my walls pulled you in deeper held you tighter. Another growl from you, through the sucking of my shoulder, made your pelvis pump harder. Thunder echoed through the hall at the storm that you created. I relaxed into the tidal wave of spasms, losing count of the orgasms my body accepted and then released. I wrapped my arms around your neck and you let my hair go and gripped my shoulders with both hands pounding me so hard that the world went white as lightning struck between us. Your hold was tight that my breathing shallowed even more but the act was as intimate as the deepest kiss.

***

Darkness surrounded me but I knew where I was in an instant. The wind blew through the room and I stumbled to my feet to the window to reduce the chill.  Leaving the window cracked, I made my way to the bathroom to assuage my bladder of its painful cry. Done with that, I stood in the mirror to wash my hands and turned on the light. Red blotches were all over my neck and shoulders. I knew some would leave temporary bruises from the injection of his willpower over me. Like a junkie in true form, shame washed over me at my behavior in the heat of the moment. And I knew I’d do it again. A figure appeared over my shoulder and I stared sin in the face.

That hum started low and worked itself into a frenzy. I turned the water off just as his body connected with mine from behind. He bent me over the sink and was back inside. All thoughts of rehabilitation left as I succumbed. The grip on the sink was more for my slipping mind while he shot me up with another dose. It’s how he kept me coming back for me. Lots of him at once until the next time that I fell prey.

When we were both spent, he pulled out of me letting his seed mark me in the dirtiest of ways and I loved every moment. Eye contact had never ceased so when he backed out of the bathroom to leave me to clean up what was left of his spank, the symbolism wasn’t lost on me. Just as I expected, when I walked into my bedroom there was no trace of him. I heard his door close to his car and I moved to the window and watched him pull off. He never looked up to acknowledge me there. There was no point.

“This was the last time,” I said out loud.

That empty feeling of doubt surfaced and I hoped like hell that I’d keep the will to survive another withdrawal spell.

“Lord give me strength.”

I swear he was laughing at me because thunder rumbled and the strongest pour of rain washed over the city. Preparing myself for the side effects, I climbed in bed getting under the blankets to fight the first long night of many.

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