This story was written for the Brain to Books Cyber Convention (B2B CyCon). Sit back, relax, enjoy, and Welcome To My World…
I lay in bed, staring at the wall, wondering why I get myself into these situations. I looked over to find her getting dressed. I shook my head and rolled my eyes as shame and anger coursed through me. Yes, I’ve done it once again. Gotten my hopes up that today would be different. Today, she would see my worth and things would be picture perfect. I allowed myself the pleasure of watching her carefully put on her clothes. Every article of clothing was perfectly put into place as if I didn’t exist. Like I’d never touched her.
I heard my own moans echoing throughout my mind, ringing in my ears. I closed my eyes trying to shake the sound, instead I was transported back three hours. We laughed and talked on my couch about things that would never happen. She didn’t make promises to keep, yet I felt like she could. Should. I wanted her to confess her feelings for me so that I could come clean. Feelings that shouldn’t have festered had and there wasn’t a damn thing that I could do about it.
She leaned closer, laying her head next to my arm on the back of the couch. Her hand made lazy circles on my thigh and I felt every lazy swirl as if she placed it directly on my clit. It was hard to concentrate and the sexual tension in the room grew to a level that made it hard to breathe anything but lust. She reached up with her lips, connecting them with mine. All reason vanished, giving her the upper hand. She inched me backwards on the couch taking all that I gave plus more. She captured and invaded my mind, body, and soul. I was doomed and knew it.
Between the kissing, stroking of parts, licking and even fondling, I forgot that I was supposed to be protecting my heart. Reason kicked in to detour her plans, but then she bit the inside of my thigh causing me to shudder. I placed my hands behind her head bringing her to the spot that I desired to be touched the most. Clothes were disposed on the floor and the only thing that separated us from one another was air.
Her tongue divided my folds giving her access to the nectar stored there. She moaned her delight at tasting me. I knew how much she enjoyed it because she often expressed how bad she craved my sweetness. It made this moment more sensational, fulfilling. I lifted my hips to give her better access. She moaned loud and long while inserting her fingers inside me. It was now my turn to moan my pleasure to her. Fingers twisted, stretched, pulled, pumped, and stroked me into a frenzy.
“Did you miss me?” She asked.
I nodded trying to keep some semblance of respect for myself.
I sighed and her fingers moved deeper causing me to tremble with need. She wasn’t going to make this easy.
“Tell me how much you missed me.”
I held back not disclosing another word. But all that did was fuel her into making me pant, moan, and finally beg for release. My orgasm was mounting and the fear of her finding out just how much I cared for her drove me back into silence. Her stubborn nature refused to let me hide away, so I turned my head, moaning into the couch. Her mouth closed over my clit at the same time that she twisted her fingers sending them deep inside of me.
“Yes!” I screamed.
“Now tell me how much.”
“So much!” I cried.
She pushed me right to edge of my orgasm and kept me suspended until she was ready to finish me off. My body shook and convulsed in shock of the generous amount of pleasure radiating through me.
“Tell me you’re mine.” She whispered hoarsely.
Tears conveyed how much of my heart was being exposed and how I felt about it. For her, this experience was purely sexual. To me it was about wanting to be loved and treasured by this one particular person. I wanted her feelings to be just as strong as mine were. I wanted her to end my misery and to claim me as hers. It was more than what would ever happen. It was more than she could ever comprehend. I was hopelessly in love with a woman who would never reciprocate the feelings that I had at the intense level of forever. I was a pawn that she used when she had not another left. This was the way that I tortured myself every time that she glanced in my direction. It was this small amount of pleasure that she would give to me that would keep me hanging on until the next time.
Her voice was commanding but there was no hiding the lust that rode her. She needed this just as much as I did. It was my job to make sure that she got everything that she could possibly want in my time with her. Despite the fact that she was incapable of demonstrating her feelings, I knew that on some level she needed me. A quick screw was something that she could get from anywhere, but the way that I gave into her was something that she couldn’t find anywhere else. Here with me, we made love. We both knew it. It started off hurried with lust but at some point before she left, emotions would flow without words. My body would show her how much I loved her. Her body would show me how badly she wanted to love me, but something prevented it. I didn’t have the power to unlock her heart so that the love would pour freely from her. It was locked away for another.
“I’m yours!” I screamed as I shattered into a million pieces.
Just as I knew, she put me back together with her kisses and how she tenderly stroked my body. When I could focus again, she led me to my room where she did it all over again. Slowly. Surely. The wild and ravaged torture slowed to something that tore at my heart. I was in too deep and didn’t try to block my feelings for her. It felt delicious as our skin caressed one another’s. Her lips touched every inch of my body leaving nothing untouched. Every plea was met by a quantum of worshipping that lead to more and more.
I was pulled out of my memories by her movement around the bed. I blinked knowing that I was moments from breaking down into a mess of emotions. I just had to hold it together for a bit more. She would be gone soon.
“Thank you.” She graciously told me.
I nodded unable to get the lump from my throat. She leaned down and kissed me thoroughly. It was her silent apology for not being able to be what I needed. Her seal on what she could give. I savored it and when she tried to pull away, I followed her dropping the sheet and exposing my body. I didn’t care about hiding it since she knew it better than anyone else in the world. My arms wrapped around her neck and she held my face pouring her emotions into me. Like each departing kiss, I felt that spark, that thing that she tried so hard for me not to feel. I held on to it and gave her more of me until I felt a surge of emotion coming from her. When it became too much for her to bare, she withdrew and nibbled my lips letting me know that it was time to bottle things back up. I closed my eyes letting her go. Immediately, I felt the loss and I stayed still, frozen in that spot. I touched my lips, still feeling the grazes of hers. I didn’t make another move until I heard the door to my home close.
I held my mouth trembling for another reason than I had hours ago. When I heard her car start and pull away, the flood gates opened allowing my heart to cry freely. I spoke the words that she would never hear loud and clear.
“I love you.” The declaration tore my soul to shreds and I collapsed onto the bed yearning to be loved back.