Posted on Leave a comment

4.19.2016: Not Love 101


Not Love 101

Today has been spent discussing various degrees of love and relationships. Discussing affairs of the heart isn’t my strong suit if you are looking for a “How to 101” guide. But when it comes to experience, I’ve got that in aces. My issue has never been finding love. It’s learning to keep love or maintaining it. That lesson was one that my heart missed out on. I am truly a romantic, but everyone has their limits. Unfortunately, mine has caused me to be resistant to it recently. I’ll explain.

I know that when I fall for someone, it’s usually hard and fast. I stopped asking why a long time ago. I enjoy being in love. I enjoy relationships of all variety, by this I mean with family and making friends. Love is no exception. I’m naturally a social butterfly despite my quirkiness, or maybe “in spite” is a more apt description. So finding people to love is never the issue. It’s the quality of love that is.

I need the kind of love that understands my needs and works to meet them. Not because they have to, but because they want to. It’s necessary for me to feel the other person’s presence even when they aren’t around because they care. Respect for my ideas, wants, needs, and desires even if they aren’t shared in view. Communication should be a given, but it too has to be discussed. Feeling valued by the other person seems excessive in the list because it’s a summary of the previously mentioned list. To me it has its own set of purpose here. Value can’t be learned, coaxed, or taught. It’s something that either depreciates with the experience of the relationship or grows into something beyond measure.

Every heartbreak comes with a lesson and you can choose to ignore it or embrace it fully. My theory is that for every time you ignore a particular lesson, you have to learn it at a greater expense. Maybe that’s the reason why I’m guarded. The tutorial was missed or ignored subconsciously. Either way, the exposure to the smaller lessons weren’t completely dismissed. (I keep separate bank accounts, thank you very much for that lesson. lol) I try to grow and walk away a better woman. I also make sure to spread the word. (Seriously, having your own bank account is always wise. J)

Lately though, I have to wonder how I’m supposed to approach love. I’ve been hurt too many times not to deflect away from cupid’s arrow. Running seems easier and comes at a lower price. Or does it? How do I know that I haven’t already passed by MY love on the street? How do I know if I had it in my grasp but let it go because I didn’t fight hard enough? Did they fight hard enough? Were my needs dismissed? Were theirs? Is the person reading the words on your screen them (No, I’m not flirting! Maybe.) Are they minutes away? States? Countries? Planets? (Okay, not really but you get my drift. J)

More importantly, though I’m guarded and hopeless, I’m still open enough to explore my issues. Everybody comes with their own set of baggage. You either find somebody to help you unpack it and wear it proudly or you zip it up and move on to the next destination. What most people want, at least in my fantasy world, is the first option. You have to know when to unzip and when to buckle back down. I’m still looking for that person that wants to share their baggage with me. Maybe we can buy a matching set to make it more fun and organized. This isn’t an ad but a very long letter to the broken hearts to say, “Love is out there and together we can conquer it one post at a time.”

A very dear friend asked me to share this today and I have. Who knows what may come of it. Maybe it’ll inspire stories. Maybe it’ll inspire questions about coping. Maybe this is wasted space. Maybe I’m asked for advice on the color palette that you should choose for your kitchen. Either way… my Comment Section below and Email are always open! Until next time… Welcome To My World!